I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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