is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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