The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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