That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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