I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
