please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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