I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
