did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
