dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My cat gives me a boner
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize