it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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