That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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