I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
