I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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