Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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