I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
