I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
