Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
