apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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