my being single is dangerous.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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