Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
