whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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