When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
