Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
