i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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