I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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