After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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