I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
