I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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