so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
