why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
