Define "chronic" masturbator.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
