You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
