I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
