so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
