Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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