just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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