My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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