I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
