that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
