I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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