Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
