My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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