I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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