Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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