the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
