I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
