found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize