I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
