cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
