If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
