Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
