It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
