i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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