I skipped work to stalk him.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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