she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
