you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
