I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
