I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize