Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
