nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
