Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
