I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
