Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
