And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
