just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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