He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
