he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
