If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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