Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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