Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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