his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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