I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
