hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He passed out mid-signature
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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