dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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