I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
