Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
