it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
