toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
