New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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