I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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