guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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