Screwed.edu
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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