i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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