That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
