Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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