my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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