apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
