I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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