i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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