Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
