i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize