My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
