Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he just fucked me for my cheese.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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