I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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