Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
