Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
