ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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