Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize