Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
